Rock-Bottom

It's been 141 days since I've last sat down to write.  Well, that's not entirely true.  I've sat down a number of times to write but I felt hypocritical and ended up scrapping all of my thoughts.  Maybe I should just say that it's been 141 days since I last posted.  Although, that won't be entirely true because I am holding onto this post for a bit to make sure things are really getting started.

How about we leave it as: It's been a while.  How've ya been?

I've hit my rock-bottom.  I've thought I hit it once or twice in the last few months but I was wrong.  I finally hit it and have decided to push off the and float back toward the top.  I hate the way I feel at this very moment. Every thought I have is filled with negativity.  Every single hair on my body is full of discomfort. No matter where I look or go, I am just a big old uncomfortable mess. So, what am I going to do about it?

Before I get to that, let me put out there where I am at now.  What are my thoughts, my feelings, how terrible do I really feel?  When we last met, I was just hanging out, trying to lose the little bit I had gained over the winter holidays.  At first I was doing just fine.  I did lose a little here and there but I never really got into a groove like I had in the past.  I felt....blah. My head and my heart just weren't in it.  I thought a few times about blogging to see if that may spark some inspiration but nothing came to me to write about.  I just stared at a blank screen not knowing what to say. Let's face it, I'm not a writer and I'm certainly not a blogger.  I honestly felt (and still do, to some extent) that my writing here on a "weight loss" blog was getting old.  How can I come here and talk about my standing still or worse, gaining when I'm supposed to be losing?  I read a number of blogs where people are doing just that and it may be fine for them to do but it isn't fine for me.

My trainer says he can tell when I am blogging; I am usually more focused and do better. So, I'll give it another shot.

I lost a bit of the holiday weight and was getting back into a better gym routine when I hurt my back. It's from an old HS injury that I've mentioned once or twice in the past.  This time was worse than it's ever been.  We were away with the kids and I was full of stress from a project I was working on for my son's school...I sat in this office-like chair for hours and hours in the hotel while the kids were asleep. Because of that, I woke up in the middle of the night in pain.  We ended up having to come home a little early from our small vacation.  Anyway, I was down and out for a few days but couldn't do anything gym-wise for about six weeks.  It was all downhill from there.

Now I am here with an extra 30 pounds or so to take BACK off!  My clothes are really, really tight (the ones that still kinda fit). Walking even short distances is back to being difficult.  Getting off the couch is hard. I'm getting yeast infections back-to-back. My joints hurt. I have bone pain, which I haven't had in a few years.  All-in-all, I feel like......BLEEEP!

That is all about to change!!  I have 163 days to Disney and I WILL not feel like this for my much-anticipated trip!  We've had to cancel two years in a row so I am really amped about this trip.  It all begins now.