Monday, Monday: FMM

Argh!  It's Monday!  Again! 

I shouldn't sound like I'm complaining. I'm not, really. I'm actually getting to this post late today. Been a "busy" day. I put busy in quotes because most people probably wouldn't call what I did today "busy" but I felt a little busier than normal. 

I've been working on cutting out the electronics. My kids are getting to be little iPad and iPhone addicts, just as I am an internet addict. I decided that I'm not leading by example...I can't tell them to put the electronics down when I have a hard time stepping away. So today I spent less time connected and more time interacting. It was good for all of us. 

As far as weigh ins go, I was up on Saturday. I was up 4 pounds and pretty darn mad about it because I've been logging and eating within my calorie budget!  I ultimately decided to enjoy myself at the BBQ I went to on Saturday...wasn't my original plan but I had that "if I'm up anyway, may as well enjoy myself", sort of thinking. Not happy with myself for thinking that way but I didn't do all that bad anyway.  I forgot to weigh in this morning (my official weigh in day) so I don't really know what the official outcome was from last week. 

I'm back on plan as of today!  I'm "under" calories by 306 - that's 1/2 exercise calories burned from water walking. And speaking of exercise, I have plans in the works to join a new gym. I wasn't happy at the other gym and  I feel a bit ashamed of may lack-of-progess so I don't want to show my face there again. So, planning on joining another gym. 

And now I'll play along with Friend Makin' Monday's 

Friend Makin’ Mondays

1. What is your favorite way to spend a Sunday afternoon? I like quiet activities: hanging out by the pool with the family. Watching movies, playing games...just simple family fun. 
2. What is your favorite color?  I like Earth tones
3. Have you ever been to Europe? sadly, no
4. Do you wear glasses or contacts? glasses (progressive lenses) but I am lucky in that I don't need them all the time - just when I am tired or when I'm reading or scrapbooking
5. How often do you brush your teeth? daily
6. Share a guilty pleasure. ice cream! 
7. What are you most proud of accomplishing this week? I cut some computer time out today 

Now it’s your turn to answer this week’s questions. Don’t forget to link up in the comments.

What are you looking forward to?

The other night I was looking through the App store on the iPad and came across a journaling App called the Roller Journal which looked interesting so I thought I would give it a try.

The app gives you a question for you to answer. If you don't like the question or don't feel like answering it at that given time, you can opt for another question.  There are a number of questions that come with the app and then of course you can purchase other question packs to go along with the preloaded ones or you can opt to ignore the questions all together and just write freely. The choice is yours.

I opted to give the app a try. I like the idea of journaling (clearly since I set up this blog), but as you can probably tell, I don't stick with it all that much. I find myself wondering what to talk about even though I always have something to say...just ask my family!  

Anyway, I was playing with the app a bit this afternoon while my eldest was away at a playdate and my youngest was napping. I skipped through questions that really didn't pertain to my day today but gave some quick answers to a few others...the most interesting and probably scary one for me was:

"What are you looking forward to?" 

Hrm...This question stopped me right in my tracks. Why?  Because I couldn't even give a quick answer. I have no idea. I mean sure, I'm looking forward to my son  coming home from his very long playdate. I'm looking forward to making dinner...but that's not anything that "matters", nothing with a real purpose. I'm stumped. I really need to give this one some thought and come back to it. 

Why am I so stuck?  Well, I am really stuck in an emotional rut; I don't know how to get out of it. I've been here for a good 6-8 months. Every time I think I'm getting out of it, I get sucked back in.

Each summer, from the time I can remember (seriously! Since elementary or at least middle school), I would look look forward to the NEXT summer when I could be like the other girls and wear tank tops and be comfortable in my skin. I was going to work as hard as I could to get there and "next year" I would "be there".

Then the summer would end and I would be right back to not thinking about the tank tops and the short-shorts were a "thing of the past" and weren't anything to be seen for "a long time". Then, before I knew it, it would be summer again and I would be right back to the same old thinking..."next year..."

And I suppose I still think that way. But I'm getting away from it because I know I will never be able to wear a tank top. The damage is done and my arms (with out plastic surgery) will never be tank top worthy. I've ruined my body. And I feel like I've wasted my life. There is a part of me that thinks "what's the point? You've wasted 37 years on being fat. You've missed out on so much life as it is and you're getting older now..."  I catch myself once in a while and kick myself out of that way of thinking but the reality is that I'm floating there.   I've let myself get so heavy that there really isn't a way out. Not without help anyway...

I'm unwilling to have surgery (although, I have been thinking more and more seriously about it), and I lack the the self control to stick with the good eating and the gym going. Honestly, a lot of it comes down to sheer laziness. Yes. I said it. I fully admit it. One of my biggest problems is that I am lazy. I don't know how to fix 37 years of being lazy...

So, to answer your question Roller Journal, I am looking forward to not being lazy, having the energy and the desire to fight the good fight and get this weight off so I can enjoy life the way life is meant to be enjoyed. 

Eye Spy A Lost Blogger

Time sure does fly in the summah time!

I have a blog post that I've been trying to work on for a few days but keep getting interrupted and/or can't get my thoughts in order. Hopefully I'll have that up tomorrow and will be back to post more and be more active with my writing.

I'm feeling the Monday Blues today.  My mother always scratches her head when I say that because I "don't work". I'm a stay-at-home mom, so why would I feel the "pressure" of Monday's like everyone else?  Well, I do still have a job to do, and when everyone else is off at work doing their Monday morning rituals, I'm still here at home doing mine....it's still getting back into the week - just.like.everyone.else.   (And that's not to say my mother doesn't think I "don't work" - she understands that I'm home "working" - just doesn't understand the difference and unless you are a stay-at-home parent, I don't think you'll be able to "get it")

My Monday Blues are bad today though.  My insomnia is rearing its ugly head. Last night I was so pooped I couldn't even hang out with the hubs to watch TV. But when I went to bed, I just tossed and turned so I began to browse the intertubes. I finally fell asleep around 10:30 but woke up every 10 minutes or so after that until I was up "for good" around 1:30.  I laid in bed for about an hour before deciding to get up to sit on the couch. I sat there for a bit then hopped on the ipad for a while before trying to sleep again....this went on for hours. I finally fell back to sleep around 5:30.

I just want to sleep.

If my patterns are on target, I may have  another few nights like this before I will have a good-night's rest. Ugh.


So sorry for the rambling. If I don't make sense, you know why.

Let's have some FMM fun....

Now it’s time for FMM.  If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: www.alltheweigh.com so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

Finish the Sentence

I like…photography

I don’t like… being told what to do. 

I am…tired (HA)

I love…My boys! and my hubs!

I dream of… being healthy and small enough to be able to enjoy life without being in discomfort or not worrying about fitting into tight spots. 

I wonder…what it's like to be thin 

I know… what to do, it's the doing it that I'm having a hard time with

I went… to an old zoo yesterday to do some "on site" photography lessons. I'm still lost. 

I have…good intentions.  (I liked Kenlie's answer, so I'm keeping it). 

I think… I want another baby, but do I really?

I plan… to work on bettering myself...getting healthy, learning photography, being more active with the kids. 

I regret…very little.  I firmly believe the "wrongs" I've done in the past have made me who I am today. If I changed things, I may not have been on the right path to meet my husband and we wouldn't have these 2 beautiful boys. I do, however, wish that the two of us stayed with our eating healthier plan when we got married (almost) 11 years ago! 

I do…want the best for my kids

I drink…too much diet soda and not enough water. 

I wish… I could afford to go away for a while to a weight loss spa (biggest loser ranch, maybe) to get a head start on things and to get away from it all so I can focus more on me and the "why" I've been self-sabotaging myself for 20+ years. 

I am… happy. and worried. and tired. 

I am not… perfect  (shhhh...don't tell anyone!)

I need…to to meal plan and budget!

I hope… I can find it in me to dig deep and get out of this complacent place I am in! 

I want… to scrapbook

I sometimes…  think I'm never going to be at a healthy weight. I've been overweight and now obese for nearly 30 years! 

I always… tell the truth -seriously, I can't lie. You'll always know when I am lying because I smile too much or laugh. 

I can…  get out of this state of mind. 

I cannot… run or do jumping jacks. Maybe someday that will change. Stupid feet.

I will… never give up.  

Now it’s your turn to answer this week’s questions! Don’t forget to come back here and link up in the comments.  Happy Monday, Friends!

A loss is a loss

Down 4.5 pounds for the month of June. Seeing has I wasn't really on the ball until the very end, I'm pleased with the results. Planning on making July a bit better though! 

I haven't set foot on the treadmill since last week. My foot was bothering me the next day and the days following. The weather is warming up so I will get some swim time in so that will help with the foot problem. I'll also get on the treadmill or go for a walk (on cooler days) when my foot isn't bothering me so much. I'm ultimately thinking I need to get another cortisone shot though. Just going to play it out for now though and see how it goes. 

Enough of that, time for some fun...

If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: www.alltheweigh.com so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

FMM: Quick Questions

1. What are your plans for Independence Day?  I love Independence day!  There is nothing better to me than being an American and to celebrate we head off to the town's parade. I'm sure it'll be a big old political fest this year...not looking forward to that part of it, but it'll be fun nonetheless. My son "marches" (rides on a float) with his scout pack. He's in seventh heaven for that! Once that is all over, we'll head home to have a small BBQ with the fam followed with some swimming and probably some sprinkler fun for the kids. Once we are all wiped out from all that, we'll take a ride for some fireworks. 

2. What is the last thing interesting thing you drank? Diet Coke. Seriously. That's it. Boring. 

3. Share on of your favorite quotes.  Total brain freeze on this one!  

4. Name someone or something that makes you smile.  My boys. 

5. What will you/did you eat for lunch today? Heading to a birthday party with the boys. They are serving Pizza but I am bringing a salad along with a veggie platter. 

6. What’s the last movie that you watched and enjoyed? Brave

7. Share something sweet and unexpected that someone did for you recently. My husband has been full of surprises. He's armed me with a new camera, an ipad and a printer. Love that man! 

8. If you could spend ten days on vacation anywhere in the world, where would you go?  I was going to say that that was a "no brainer" would be St. Lucia. But I then remembered my other favorits spot - DISNEY! 

9. What are you currently reading? The Skinny Rules - Bob Harper and Cowards - Glenn Beck

10. Share at least one thing that you’re looking forward to this week.  It's a busy week. We have my hubby's birthday tomorrow. America's on Wednesday...it's a great week! 

Now it's your turn!  Happy Monday!