Sunday, June 30, 2013

Weekend wrap up

Had a busy start to the weekend! Hoping today is a little more relaxing but know it won't be. 
I was up in time to take the boys to the farm for some cherry picking. They open at 8am and tend to get crazy busy. I'm not a fan of the heat (as you well know), add to that crowds and all bets are off. Needed to be there bright and early if Mamma was gonna make it out of there.  

We arrived at 8:20am. It was about a five minute walk to the cherry trees.  The boys didn't seem to mind, which is the one thing I was worried about. When we arrived the the picking area, there were only a small handful of other people getting their fill of fresh cherries. By the time we were finished and walking back though, the crowds were beginning to move in. 

The boys really wanted to do some strawberry picking too. I would have loved that but the strawberry fields were full of people as was the farm stand where you go to get your buckets to pick with. Instead, we just purchased a quart of fresh picked berries along with a couple of scones to have a nice treat after dinner. 

Normally we would have our strawberry shortcake loaded up with strawberries, shortcake, vanilla ice cream and whipped cream. This time though I just bought the 2 scones, sliced them in half so everyone had a little and covered it with mashed berries. It was a nice treat to end the day and wasn't too calorie dense which was a plus. 

Speaking of calories. Saturday's calories ended up being over by more than they should have. I was about 500 calories over, which would leave me at a "maintenance" weight so I'm not too worried about it.  I didn't eat and eat because I felt like eating. I was hungry.  Really hungry. I tried holding off a few times but decided that it wasn't worth it. It was my own fault for sure. My meals weren't evenly spaced and planned.
I was a bit tired today.  It's been one of those days where I didn't (and still don't) know what to do with myself.  We were very busy yesterday with working around the house making it easier for today to just be a 'blah' kind of day.  

I'm still not happy with myself for my eating habits. Again today, I went over a bit. The weekends always seem rough for me. I really have to practice eating at the same time on the weekends that I do during the week. It's really a game-changer for me. 

I'm not worried though. It's just two days out of the seven in a week and I wasn't so over that it would cause a gain. In fact, my face is looking thinner and my ring is starting to fall off my finger when I'm not overheated. 

Tomorrow I'm going to work on meal planning for the week and will get to the store for some more healthy foods to have on hand and at the ready. 

Hope you had a great weekend! 

Friday, June 28, 2013


"Thank Goodness I'm Focused."  :)

Yesterday's Calories:
Daily calorie budget: 1700
Calories In: 1819
Calories Out: 1001

As I stated last night, I had a great workout yesterday with Rudy. I was on fire.
One of the things I didn't tell you though was about a look I got from a fellow gym-goer.

The gym I go to is just personal training. Most of the time it's just my trainer and I or there may be 2-3 other trainers with their clients.  Last night it was my trainer and I along with one other trainer and her client.

Before I left for the gym, I said to my husband "watch, Rudy is going to start my workout with slams  using that stinkin' ball...again!"  Hubs just laughed.  (I get to workout with Rudy once a week and the last 2-3 workouts have all started with slams using the 20 pound medicine ball.)
I arrived at the gym a half hour before my workout so I could get my cardio in.  I usually like doing cardio last but my appointment was late and I wanted to make sure I got it in.  Normally though, I would do it after my workout with Rudy because he kills me.  I'm always exhausted but ready to fight when he's done with me.  It's all good. 

Anyway, Rudy comes over to the arc trainer to get me. He has that "evil grin" on his face. I tell him I'm not afraid of him (I was shaking inside! -again, it's all good).  We walk over to the weight area and what does he pull out?  "REALLY, RUDY!"  I laughed and told him I knew he was going to start with that darn thing.  

He laughed right along with me but didn't make me do slams. He had me press the ball against the wall and raise it up along the wall while doing squats. Not too bad. Then we moved along to the next exercise and I was happy to be done with the...oh, wait!  I completed the second exercise and then out comes the ball again...for slams this time.  

I took that thing, pulled it over my head and slammed it so hard it bounced back to just above my knee. We were both shocked.  What got me though was the look on the other guy's face. That made my day. I could tell he was impressed (surprised, even) that I could do that. Not me. I've been working on slams for months.  The first time I did them with this ball, it would just fall flat on the ground and I would have to "chase" it to pick it up (a 20 pound ball doesn't go too far).   Now I don't have to chase the sucker - it bounces right back up for me. Why?  Because I am strong. 

Today's Calories:
Budget: 1700
In: 1486

A Little under is always good.  Didn't do a workout today. Was planning on getting some cardio in but that never happened. 

This weekend is going to be busy with bathroom stuff and running around with the kids. Tomorrow, the plumber should arrive to finally finish up what he was supposed to do on Tuesday. Once he's out, we can start finishing up some stuff to get ready to hang drywall and the hardibacker board for the tiles.   The tiles won't be in until Wednesday of next week so we have plenty of time for prepping everything else. 

I do plan on taking the boys strawberry and cherry picking tomorrow.  Just need to get up really early to beat the crowds.  Wish us all luck with that one! I am not a morning person.  

I will get at least a walk in tomorrow as well.  I did tell my eldest that I would like us to start running in the backyard. He needs to work on his hustle for baseball and I think it would be good for us to exercise together.  I'll let you know how that one goes. 

Until then, have a happy and healthy weekend! 

Thursday, June 27, 2013

I'm back!

I mentioned the other day that I was thinking about my progress (and lack thereof). I *think* I'm ready to start discussing some of my thoughts.

I'm certainly in a better place today than I was a few weeks ago.  A few weeks ago I felt like I was spinning out of control; teetering on the edge of throwing in the towel for the millionth time. I knew I didn't want to do that, going back is not an option.

I didn't like myself fifty five pounds ago.  Back then, I was watching life from my couch, rarely participating in life.
I was depressed.
I was alone.
I was stuck.
I needed help.

Today, it's a whole different story.  I am no longer watching from my couch.  I get up and participate. There are times that I would rather just sit and watch more from fear of what people will think when they see me than from the thought of not being able to do something.  However, I know now that I can do almost anything that I put my mind into doing.

What is working for me this time is the gym.  Well, not just the gym but more my trainers.  I've been going to the gym on and off for a few years.  The very first trainer I had was wonderful. If I had stayed with him, I would have been at goal by now. I opted though to try a less expensive trainer who was fine but I ended up getting hurt with her because she pushed the weights too quickly.  I ended up quitting that gym for about six months before signing up where I am now.

Honestly, if it weren't for my wonderful trainers, I would be stuck on the couch approaching 400 pounds. No joke. I know that's exactly where I would be. But I'm not. I am in that gym working my hardest and seeing results.  Damon and Rudy have really helped change my life. They have helped save me from myself. I am forever grateful.

I laugh a lot during my workouts. I also complain and I whine, but I do the work. There are many times when I don't believe I can do something that is asked of me only to prove myself wrong. Damon often asks me when I will trust him. I'm slowly learning to trust that when he says I can do something, I can actually do it. He's never been wrong. Neither has Rudy for that matter.

Trust my trainer.
Trust myself.

With all that trust, I need to trust in the rest of the process. Trusting in that I know what I'm doing  is right for me to make this all happen.  I lose weight very slowly. Always have. I've said it before, I'll say it again; even doctors are baffled by how slowly I lose when I am doing things at 100%. I've given up on being 100% on 100% of the time. That is a formula for failure. I give up. I will throw in the towel. It just doesn't work.

My formula "this time" is to do things at my pace. I go through periods where I eat really really well and am in that gym and can just tear everything apart. Then I have periods like I just went through where it's a process of having to pick myself up. I think I need to drop some weight, hang out at that weight for a while and then move on again.  It's what's been working.
I truly believe that in this way, I am setting myself up for success.
I'm setting up for maintenance.
If I can maintain my current weight within 5-10 pounds, I'm alright. I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. I don't feel like I'm in prison. Then, I get the wind back in my sails and am ready for take off. That's where I am right now. I am back. I am ready to drop the next portion of weight and land where ever I may land.

This is my journey. This is how I have to do it. I have to stop thinking about what others expectations are of where I am and "where I should be". I am where I need to be right now and that is all that matters.

Trust in my trainer; trust in myself.
I can do this.
I will do this.
I'm back.

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Wednesday Weigh In

Down about 2 pounds this week.
That means that that 7 I gained is gone along with another half or so.
Like I said, my scale is now in storage so I am using the one in my mother's bathroom. Her's is about two pounds off from mine so I may need to make adjustments when I have mine back.

That will bring my grand total to 55.5 pounds.

I'm feeling more in control with my eating over the last week.
Today? Not so much.
I made the mistake of not eating enough at lunch time after doing a tough workout. When it's hot and humid, I have a really hard time eating so when the hunger started, it was the hungry horror show. I ended up eating some of my workout calories. I don't normally do that or at least I don't like doing it but it's going to happen from time to time.

My total calories today were: 1960
My calorie goal: 1720 (per my fitness pal)
Over: 240

My workout calories: 650

All in all, it's a win for today.

And speaking of workouts, today's was no-joke.  Damon, one of my regular trainers, is on vacation this week so I got to workout with a new trainer. She is not only new to me but new to this gym.  Anyway, she was no joke.  I told her as much too.  She told me that Damon mentioned to her that I like to work hard and that is exactly what we did today.  I love having a good workout.  Hate it while I'm doing it but always feel great after the fact.

Tomorrow is a new day and I'm looking forward to saying goodbye to another pound (hopefully more) next week.

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Swimsuit blues

I've put it off long enough!  It's time to find a swimsuit, for reals this time.  I've been trolling the internet for quite sometime trying to find something that I might like.  Well, I don't think I will ever like anything for sure. Just need to find something that I am at least a little comfortable in. 

Warning: TMI coming right up...

Bathing suits have always been a thorn in my side. I have big hips (hubs calls 'em good birthing hips), gross thighs and am not lacking in the bust area. Needless to say, I have a lot of "trouble" spots.

The thing I hate most about bathing suits is that they don't have bras in them. Sure, they all have that "shelf bra" but for anyone who is maybe a 'C' cup or larger, that just isn't gonna fly. On top of not having a bra, the neckline plunges way too much. I tried one suit on and felt like I was wearing something like this...
Not so flattering on a thirty-something obese woman!  YIKES!

The other issue is that I am a whole size (maybe 2) smaller on top than I am on bottom. That makes it really difficult to find clothes never mind bathing suits.  I had to opt for the 2 piece options.  Anyway, after trying on about six suits, I ended up with this one...
If the girls didn't give in to the gravity thing, this suit would be perfect. I went up a size larger than I need so t I have room to sew the neckline up a bit. Having the larger size also allows for more flow with the ruffles which hides the hips a bit.  If this came with a bra, it would have been perfect!  I may just try adding a t-shirt bra under it and see what happens.

I also added a sundress to my wardrobe. This will actually act more as a cover up. I'm not a dress wearing kind of gal (yet). I have a nice little summer jacket to wear over it to cover up my unsightly arms.
All in all, I am happy with my purchases and hope to make it work enough to get me through these hot summer days without wanting to jump out of my skin.

Monday, June 24, 2013

Few Updates and FMM

It's getting late but I really wanted to get on and write a bit. 
Per usual, my thoughts are all over the place right now. Today though, it's not  because I have a million and one things I need to get done but more that I'm thinking about my progress {or lack thereof as of late}.  I need to compile my thoughts into something cohesive before I can sit here and talk about them though. May take me a few days, but I'll get there. 
Back update: I went to the New Balance outlet today and purchased a new pair of sneaks. I wore sneakers most of the day today. Had to break out the flip flops (which, BTW, are specifically designed for people with plantar faciitis and flat feet...these aren't the cheap-o Dollar Store ones - just sayin') while I was on the pool deck with the kidlets. My back is thanking me today for being better about wearing sneakers over the last two days.  I'm taking care not to sit in the same position or chair for too long as well as not being on my feet for too long.  I know that hardly makes any sense but I think it's working.  I was much more comfortable today so I promise that I will only wear my flip flops while around the pool. Sigh. 
Bath update:  The plumber came yesterday and did a lot of work.  Hubs and my father were then able to fix any pieces of the subfloor that needed to be fixed and then they installed the next layer of the flooring. Today they worked on the shower walls and the bench for the shower. Tomorrow, the plumber should be here to finish up some of his major stuff and then we'll be able to order the tiles.  Should be able to start tiling this weekend or early next week.  I am getting very excited! I'm sure you are too...I bet you are sick of hearing about it. Sorry. Can't help myself. 
Alright, I'll get to FMM:

If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!
Ten Simple Questions
1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought? Hi! (Seriously, I usually say hello to myself) 
2. Do you prefer to pay for things with cash or plastic?  I use my debit card. I always say I'm going to start carrying cash more often, but never do. 
3. What is one word that you use too often? Probably "Just sayin'"
4. Who is the last person outside of your family who said “I love you” to you?  I think my trainer. But I didn't say it in "that way" it was more of a slap-stick "I love you and all but..." 
5. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone and mailed it? I can't recall the last time I actually wrote a letter. Sad.
6. Have you ever been called upon for jury duty?  Once. I liked it. Probably in the minority with that one though. 
7.  How many keys are on your key ring?  Four. I only know for sure what one of them is for though. Yikes! 
8.  List two characteristics that you want to change about yourself.  I tend to talk too much. That's not entirely accurate. It's more that I tend to say too much. For instance, this woman that I "work with" (I don't really work with her, she works on a different day than I do), came in while I was working one day and said something about how she was diagnosed with osteoporosis   She was all doom and gloom about it so I said something about how my grandmother had that and she was fine up until she passed when she was 85.  After the woman left, my boss turned to tell me that the woman was almost 80!  YIKES! Insert foot. 
I can't think of a second one right now because I really need to work on #1 first. 
9.  Do you bring your own shampoo and conditioner when you travel, or do you use what the hotel provides?  Seeing as I am allergic to most shampoos, I will bring my own. If it's just one night though, I tend to risk it and use the hotel's. 
10. What is your birthstone?  Do you like it?  It’s a diamond.  And it's not my best friend.  Don't get me wrong, I have a beautiful engagement and wedding ring that is full of diamonds but that's all I need. My husband was going to get me a sapphire ring (per my request) but the jeweler talked him out of it because sapphires are very soft and aren't good to wear for everyday use.   That all being said, I am loving the chocolate diamonds though...probably because the word "chocolate" is in their name! HAHA!

Sunday, June 23, 2013

Weekend Wrap Up

Should probably wrap up or at least catch up on this last week before wrapping up the weekend.  This last week got away from me like a runaway train. It's great that the week went by so quickly but I felt like so many things were abandoned because of it.

Progress in the bathroom should start picking up. The plumber is coming today.  Yes! On a Sunday! Strange, I know. He's actually working for his son now so he's doing this job in his "spare" time. He should be able to get all the major stuff done today so we can at least start working on putting things back together.  Later in the week, we're hoping to start tiling. Can't wait.

My son is finishing up his last week of school. He has two and a half days left. I can't believe how late we are in this year!  I guess it's the price we pay for going back after Labor Day (the way I like it) and making up all those snow days. It's been a blessing though that it hasn't been that hot.  That is about to change though. Brace yourselves, Mama is about to get grouchy!  :)

The sporadic gym time is killing me.  I can't wait for my trainer to get my at-home routine set up.  I do have some things that I know I could be doing and I will start doing this week when the end of the year stuff is all wrapped up for my son.  I feel like I've been nonstop with running around between all the things I have to get done for him and this bathroom. I just haven't had the energy to add in something else. I know it's a bad excuse, I'm just being honest. scale is now all packed away. That being said though, I did check on another scale and I seem to be stable. I know the scale I weighed in on on Wednesday is a bit off from mine but I'm not sure by how much. If my estimates are correct though, I was even last week. Going forward, I will just use that scale to weigh in and will make adjustments when mine can be taken back out of storage.

The biggest roadblock for me right now happens to be my back. My lower back is achy and driving me batty.  I can't sit for too long, can't stand too long. I thought it was because TOM was in town but now that he's left town, (TMI, sorry) things aren't getting any better.  I can't tell if it's muscular or if maybe I have something else going on.  I may need to suck-it-up and get to the doctor because it's really affecting my attitude and progress.

And on that note, I must wrap things up. In the ten minutes I've been sitting here, my back is starting to give me trouble. We have a million things to get done today. I don't have time to add in back trouble.

Have a happy and healthy day!

Monday, June 17, 2013

Weekend Wrap-up and FMM

Happy Monday -almost Tuesday!

I've been pretty busy [distracted] with this bathroom debacle. I'm guessing that my posting will come in spurts until this project is done. I spent two hours in the bath showroom and then another two and a half in the Depot this afternoon.  I am spent.

I haven't participated in Friend Makin' Mondays in a while.
Thought I would give it a go for today. I need something fun and light.

If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

Just Wondering

1.  Do you wear glasses and/or contacts? I wear glasses. Progressive lenses at that.  I've needed to wear reading glasses on and off through most of my adult life.  I don't wear them every day though, just while I am at work or when I'm tired.

2.  Do you have summer vacation plans?  If so, where are you going? We'll do a few staycations this summer. Not sure yet what that will entail. The budget is really going into this bath remodel.

3.  What is your favorite food to eat for breakfast?Oatmeal and Greek yogurt.

4. Do you enjoy window shopping?  I hate shopping. I know, that's crazy talk. It's the truth though.

5. What is your favorite candle scent? I like fall scents - pumpkin pie.

6.  If you had to choose between going to a zoo or an aquarium, which one would you pick?  I'd probably have to say the zoo.

7.  How many times do you plan to exercise this week? I have two gym times set in stone.  I'll probably either add one more or at the very least add a cardio day.

8.  Do you speak another language fluently?  No. :(

9.  What are you currently reading? Cooperation Counts.  A parenting book. Funtimes.

10.  What are you looking forward to most in the coming week? Getting the plumber in here so I can feel like we are really getting a move on with this remodel.

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Cleaning House

Today's post is one of those "other ramblings"....

I don't know what is going on with me, but the last two nights I have been a cleaning MA-chine!  Last night I decided I would turn on some youtube videos about scrapbooking while I tidied up the kids playroom.  I went through every bucket, drawer and shelf and organized or threw out stuff that was broken (not much of that - my kids are pretty good with their toys) or junk (ie dollar store stuff). I also made a small pile of items to sell in a future yard sale.   Felt so good to have everything clean. 

Tonight, my little guy fell asleep in my room.  He's not feeling too well and tends to do that when he's under the weather. I thought while he's sleeping I'd go ahead and tackle his room.  My little guy is actually pretty neat so it wasn't a tough task but again, I tossed all the junk and put everything away in a more organized fashion. 

I finished that around 10:00 and thought I could tackle the downstairs bathroom (which is now our main bath until the other one is finished). Anyway, the basement is where the playroom, scraproom and "daddy's room"(aka Man Town) is.  The playroom ended up being smaller than we would have liked so I put some storage in the bathroom to house some of the toys.  I tend to rotate through them so the kids don't get too bored.  Anyway, the toys were all taken apart and it was just a big old nightmare in there.  Not anymore!  

I just went up the stairs with a huge trash bag. Hubs couldn't believe his eyes when he realized I had more to toss and that I was still cleaning.  Truth be told, neither can I! I have been non-stop all day long. I'm not sure where all this is coming from but I hope to Heaven that it lasts a few more days!  I would love to do my elder's room next! 

I guess the [other] good news in all of this is that I'm getting some extra exercise! 

Speaking of exercise. Tomorrow is a gym day. I really need to talk to my trainer about giving me an at-home program to do.  I've dropped to two days a week in the gym. During my workouts now I feel so weak. I really need that third day but just can't afford it with the bathroom debacle and losing my little bit of pay for the summer. We'll see what he has to say tomorrow when I speak with him. 

I guess I best get some much-needed and much-deserved shut-eye. 

Have a happy and healthy day. 

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Wednesday Weigh In

Miracle of miracles, I'm down a bit more.
Just have a little over a pound left of that seven to get back to even.

The "bad" news though is that I pulled something at the gym today.  The "funny" part about the whole thing is I posted this 40 Effed Up Things About Being 40 article on my FaceBook page.  I've been wearing reading glasses on and off since I was a teenager so that part doesn't bother me but there are a few others on the list that made me laugh (and cry). For instance, number 40. Being called Ma'am. I hate that!  I feel so old when I hear that.  I'm not old. In my head, I am a lot younger than the years tell me I am. Please, don't call me "ma'am".

Back to the gym...I pulled my...wait for it...hip!  There, I said it, now I'm old.
No, I don't really believe that. It's just too funny not to talk about it.  Anyway, I ended up having to pop some of the old ibuprofen to make it through the rest of the day. I'm sure I'll be sore in the morning.

Ack! It's taken me all day to finish up today's thoughts. At this point, I will just say "today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one". One of my favorite Dr. Seuss quotes.

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Just another rainy day

This weather pattern isn't good for the mood. But,  I'm really trying not to let it get me down. Just because Mother Nature is in a mood, doesn't mean I have to be too, right? Right.

The meeting with my "paid friend" was spent talking about everything but the food issues.  I didn't plan it that way, honestly.  She asked about how something else was going and the conversation went from there.  We are meeting again next week to talk more about the food stuff though, so don't worry too much.

Ultimately, I am just going through a rough patch with stress.  For starters, this bathroom debacle is really getting the best of me.  We're still waiting for a quote from the plumber and the wall guy has yet to show up to look at things. Hubs worked on getting as much out of there as he could over this last weekend and the plan is to take out the last of it tonight. We aren't sure how much of the drywall we need to take down - hopefully we just need to replace the damaged stuff.  Needless to say, I want answers and I want to get this thing going.

Between the bathroom and a few other more personal things, I'm getting closer and closer to the edge. One of the things I am trying so desperately to hold on to is that I know if I'm taking care of myself, everything else won't feel so "painful". I've really had to bring out the moment-by-moment kind of thinking to the forefront. Being more concisely aware of what I am doing really helped me get through yesterday and thus far, I'm doing fine today (It is only 9:27am though! ;-)).

OK, I'm off to the Depot.  Have lots of things to look at and price out. It will be good for both my son and I to get out of the house on this rainy day. If he has things his way, he'd play on his DS all day. Not that I blame him, his little ears hurt and it is very gloomy out there.

Wish me luck.

Have a happy and healthy day.

Sunday, June 9, 2013

Weekend Wrap up

Things around here are not on the up & up.  I am a hot mess in the food department. I just can't seem to get it together and stay on track.  Friday, I had the workout of a lifetime. I did some things that I thought for sure I would never be able to do but I proved myself wrong, yet again! I left that gym on top of the world.  By mid afternoon though, I was eating and eating.  Don't know why.  Maybe is some sort of subconcience emotional eating. 

Yesterday was a little better. That is, until it wasn't. Same goes for today. 

Luckily for me, I get to go have a visit with my "paid friend" tomorrow.  Hopefully she can help me sort this out and push me back onto the tracks before I balloon up another 10 pounds!  

Tonight, I will be doing some much-needed soul searching and will hopefully get some help with my head tomorrow. 

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Wednesday Weigh In

Down 1.5. That means I have 3 left to go from the 7 I gained.
Never ceases to amaze me how you can put the weight on virtually over night but the coming off part...

No matter, I'm finding my way back piece by piece.
That being said, I had to make a difficult decision tonight. A bunch of the girls were meeting at the local pizza place to hang out and watch the Bruins game.  I was excited to go but when I really sat down and thought about it, I thought it would be best to sit this one out. 

Seeing as I can't drink (I'm allergic to alcohol -or to something in my diet and alcohol makes it worse) and I really can't afford the calories of pizza and bar food, I thought it best to stay home. I'm finally feeling like I am getting back into some sort of a groove. Pizza is one food I have a really, really hard time saying "no" to. It's just best to pass it up for right now. 

It's OK. It's not always like this. When I have a few weeks of steady weight loss and am feeling strong and confident, I know I will be able to handle nights like tonight.  I don't believe this journey is about secluding myself from social situations. I don't believe this journey is about deprivation. I just have to recognize when I know I will go overboard and when I can just have a taste and be OK. Tonight, unfortunately, isn't one of those nights.   Who knows what tomorrow will bring.

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Blank screen

I've been sitting here staring at a blank screen hoping that a post would magically write itself so I could click "publish". I am out of things to talk about right now. My world is stuck with this bathroom debacle (I know, I know. I said I wouldn't bring it up again, sorry), and other stuff rolling around in my mind. I honestly don't know what to talk about.

I took it to the internet to read other blogs looking for inspiration and ideas.  The first one I read annoyed me a little. When I read the comments though, I realized that maybe I was reading the blog the wrong way. Maybe I should move on.

I then moved onto another blog - Kenlie's over at  which lead me to feel sad and a little angry. I first stumbled across Kenlie's blog probably sometime last summer. I was in awe by the fact that she had lost so much weight and she was keeping it off. She was living the part of life that I wanted to be. She was doing it the old fashioned way. Diet and exercise. No quick fixes. No surgery (not that I'm condoning it - I do believe that it can be the right choice - but that's not the discussion right now). Just good old-fashion sweat and tears. 

As time went on, I realized that Kenlie was just like so many of us. She is struggling. She wants to break through to the next level. She wants it so bad. But how? I admire that she hasn't walked away from her blog. I think it's brave of her to keep discussing her struggles. This is a hard road to walk. If you've never struggled with your weight, I mean really, really struggled, then you have no idea how hard this is.  It's difficult to face your friends and family. It's difficult to face the land of the interwebs but it's even more difficult to face the person in the mirror on a daily basis. I give Kenlie a lot of credit for sticking things out.  She is a braver woman than I will ever be. How many times have I walked away? Too many to count.

What makes me mad is how cruel people can be when being put in front of a computer screen. People can be so quick to judge and say terrible things to others just because they are able to hide behind a screen.  It's not right. She has mentioned her "haters" before. I can't even imagine. People (none of you, of coarse) suck sometimes!

Now that I am feeling annoyed, sad and a bit mad, I pop over to see how JD is doing at  where I am now  floored and yell "WHAT!"  I think my eyeballs are still bouncing around my desk with the news I saw on his blog today! 

If you've never read JD's blog, you should! He has made getting healthy his bitch (sorry, don't mean to offend, but it's true!). When I first started reading his blog, he could hardly stand on his own two feet to make himself something to eat because he was writhing in pain. Now he is walking a mile and a half a day, making himself (and others their) meals and today he did SQUATS! Simply amazing. I applaud you JD. Stand up and take a bow my friend. You are really doing it. Congratulations.

Now that I've gone full circle with the emotions tonight, I am left thinking about where I am on this spectrum. I am not in a "rut", yet I am not 100% committed.  I try to be. I honestly do. I think I'm somewhere in between the Kenlie and JD's of the world.  That's OK by me. I truly believe that I will get there "this time" because I am not looking for the instant gratification. I am taking is slowly and I'm living life. There will be times when I fight hard and there will be times that the fight is hard.

I believe Kenlie will find her way. One way or the other, she will. I also believe that before you know it, JD will be walking a 5K while I'm off running in another one.  We will all get there. We will.
Off to read some more blogs. Wonder what emotions that will bring?  I shudder to think. :)

Have a happy and healthy day!

Sunday, June 2, 2013

Day 14

Another scorcher here today!  The temps were in the 90's for the fourth day in a row. The good news though is that a cold front has moved in and the temps are dropping. Supposed to be in the mid-seventies for the rest of the week. I am in Heaven during those temps.

The good thing about this kind of heat is that I don't want to eat.  I find myself reaching for more fruit and water than anything else. Not a bad thing at all!  That will certainly help with the weight loss. The bad thing though is that working out becomes more difficult.  As you know, I don't deal well with the heat. I am cranky and miserable (I was hoping that would change with weight loss, I guess we'll see). I think I'm going to have to make more of an effort to get up in the morning to get some movement in before the heat gets out of control for the day.  Something for me to think about and work on.

Our plumber showed up today.  He feels that we could get away with making small fixes in the bathroom. Hubs cut away the floor where most of the damage was.  There are still some dark spots in the wood but the wood is all solid. We were planning on cutting it all out and replacing it but the plumber said where it is still solid, as long as it's treated and dry it should be OK. His thought was to take all the caulking out of the shower and re-caulk the whole thing. That would be best for our budget but there are a few problems with that - 1. I hate the shower. It's an eye sore.  The doors have frosted glass that was ruined by a cleaner that was used on them. They look horrible. And 2. the floor is now more damaged than it was to begin with. (the vinyl tiles were starting to slip, leaving gaps in the floor). 

Hubs and I have discussed our design options and just have to let the plumber know our thoughts so he can get us prices.  It's all going to come down to the cost. As much as we hate spending the money, we might just go ahead and do it to get the project done and done right. We'll make decisions later in the week. Until then, it's a good thing we have two other usable bathrooms in the house!

I won't bore you anymore with the bathroom play-by-play.  When we make a final decision, I will let you know and I will be sure to share pictures of the final product.

Have a happy and healthy day!

Saturday, June 1, 2013

Day 13

Ack! I missed writing yesterday.  It's not all my fault. I have a lot going on...

Look at what I found...

Yup! That's mold. In the bathroom. Needless to say, we are now in the midst of gutting it.
The "funny" thing is that I've been smelling must/mildew [mold] now for almost two years.  I could only smell it in the summer time though and it was very faint.  I always assumed it was coming from the basement.  We've searched and searched but never found anything.
I turned on the whole house fan the other day and got a big whiff of it. The search was on. Again. I narrowed it down to the bathroom. Hubs came home and tapped the wall next to the shower and there it was. Yeah! (Sarcasm much?).

We've wanted to redo the bathroom for quite sometime now. For starters, I'm not a huge fan of the flooring - so YEAH! that's gone. As much as I would like to say we can bandaid it by pulling out the damaged floor, shower and wall, it would just be that; a bandaid.  Our vanity top cracked a few years a go. Hubs patched it back together but now there are stress fractures so it's just a matter of time before we'll have to replace it.

Although I've been wanting to redo the bathroom, I hate being forced to do it.  We aren't financially ready to take on this project. We won't be able to design it the way we were dreaming of.  So, we'll just have to make do and pick things that are important to us and then skim in other areas.

As for now, I am still waiting for a call back from our plumber. Hubs is trying to get rid of the mold so we can at least use the bathroom until the plumber can come to get us a price so we can start gutting.

The "good" news is that we have another full bath in the house. So, for now I have this one (which is the primary one we use) blocked off. The kids are hating it, so are we but we're dealing with it the best we can.

What I've learned from this?  Trust my gut.  I had a feeling something was growing somewhere. I should have listened to my instincts but what is done is done. We have to deal with this hand and move on.

Now that the shock and horror has worn off, I am getting excited about the remodel. Don't get me wrong, it's a bit overwhelming but we'll be happy when it's done.

So, there you have it. That's what I've been up to and will be up to over the next few weeks. Fun times.

Hope you have a happy and healthy weekend.