Mental Game

Ever feel like you're in a rut but you're not really in one?

That's how I've been feeling as of late. This last month or so has been rough for me, even with two weeks in a row with great results. Last week's zero wasn't surprising to me because of those two previous weeks but this week should have been a loss.

So why haven't I lost weight during the last two weeks?  Well, I'm not going to sit here and say that I've done everything right and that my body just isn't responding. At the same time, I'm not sitting here being sad and depressed about it. I am, however, going to face some facts.

Let's talk about the "easy" one first: Exercise - I'm still doing my (3X a week) thirty minutes with the trainer followed by thirty minutes cardio. Normally I'd also do a few other cardio sessions at home on my own, but because I'm working on this crazy tagsale stuff, I can't get to my treadmill. You may be thinking that I didn't have to block my treadmill. I would say that you are right but I honestly have no place else to put all this stuff. I can't physically handle the cold so I haven't even been able to go out for a walk.  I have, however, been trying to be a bit  more active throughout the day to help makeup for the fact that I can't get to the treadmill. One more week and this "excuse" will be gone.

Now for the more difficult topic: Food - I just can't get it together in this category.  I absolutely hate cooking.  I hate everything to do with food prep. I even hate grocery shopping. I hate it all so much that I would rather grab frozen pizzas for lunch every.single.day over making something fresh and delicious. This is no secret. I've discussed my disdain for cooking many times.

I was getting better though. I started preparing more salads, making more homemade dinners and was better for it all. Then I stopped. Why?  Now, that's and interesting question. It all comes down to the mental game. A mental game that I have always lost at this point in the past. One that gets me every.single.time. One that isn't going to get me this time though.  I have trainers who are on my side, I have my family behind me and I have more determination than I've ever had. I will push through this and will get on with it one way or another.

So, what is going on in this head of mine?  Well, a number of things really.  First, I'm nearly at 35 pounds since my restart in September. It's taken a long.long.long time to lose those 35 pounds. That all being said, (nearly) 30 of those pounds were lost in the last three months.  I had a bit of a gain during the holidays so that little setback is now bothering me. Just a little.  

That all being said, it's taken all this time and people are just now starting to really notice my hard work. Thinking about all that time, 35 pounds is just a drop in the bucket in comparison to what I have left to lose. I honestly try to take this journey in small increments. I give myself small, attainable goals. When I reach those goals, I set new ones and move on. I try not to get caught up in the end-game because the end (although I realize there will never be an end, but you know what I mean) is so.far.away.

My clothes are *mostly* getting too big. Most of my jeans are like clown pants on me. They still stay up without a belt but they look silly.  The next size down is just a hair too big and the next size after that fits, barely, but it fits. There are some of my original jeans that are not so big though. Like the ones I put on today.  They are still a bit snug. They feel about the same as they did "back when".

Don't get me wrong. There is a lot of positives going on in my head too. That is what is keeping me from going off the deep end and throwing my hands in the air and saying to heck with it all.  I need to face the "demons" in order to move on.