Mental Game

Ever feel like you're in a rut but you're not really in one?

That's how I've been feeling as of late. This last month or so has been rough for me, even with two weeks in a row with great results. Last week's zero wasn't surprising to me because of those two previous weeks but this week should have been a loss.

So why haven't I lost weight during the last two weeks?  Well, I'm not going to sit here and say that I've done everything right and that my body just isn't responding. At the same time, I'm not sitting here being sad and depressed about it. I am, however, going to face some facts.

Let's talk about the "easy" one first: Exercise - I'm still doing my (3X a week) thirty minutes with the trainer followed by thirty minutes cardio. Normally I'd also do a few other cardio sessions at home on my own, but because I'm working on this crazy tagsale stuff, I can't get to my treadmill. You may be thinking that I didn't have to block my treadmill. I would say that you are right but I honestly have no place else to put all this stuff. I can't physically handle the cold so I haven't even been able to go out for a walk.  I have, however, been trying to be a bit  more active throughout the day to help makeup for the fact that I can't get to the treadmill. One more week and this "excuse" will be gone.

Now for the more difficult topic: Food - I just can't get it together in this category.  I absolutely hate cooking.  I hate everything to do with food prep. I even hate grocery shopping. I hate it all so much that I would rather grab frozen pizzas for lunch every.single.day over making something fresh and delicious. This is no secret. I've discussed my disdain for cooking many times.

I was getting better though. I started preparing more salads, making more homemade dinners and was better for it all. Then I stopped. Why?  Now, that's and interesting question. It all comes down to the mental game. A mental game that I have always lost at this point in the past. One that gets me every.single.time. One that isn't going to get me this time though.  I have trainers who are on my side, I have my family behind me and I have more determination than I've ever had. I will push through this and will get on with it one way or another.

So, what is going on in this head of mine?  Well, a number of things really.  First, I'm nearly at 35 pounds since my restart in September. It's taken a long.long.long time to lose those 35 pounds. That all being said, (nearly) 30 of those pounds were lost in the last three months.  I had a bit of a gain during the holidays so that little setback is now bothering me. Just a little.  

That all being said, it's taken all this time and people are just now starting to really notice my hard work. Thinking about all that time, 35 pounds is just a drop in the bucket in comparison to what I have left to lose. I honestly try to take this journey in small increments. I give myself small, attainable goals. When I reach those goals, I set new ones and move on. I try not to get caught up in the end-game because the end (although I realize there will never be an end, but you know what I mean) is so.far.away.

My clothes are *mostly* getting too big. Most of my jeans are like clown pants on me. They still stay up without a belt but they look silly.  The next size down is just a hair too big and the next size after that fits, barely, but it fits. There are some of my original jeans that are not so big though. Like the ones I put on today.  They are still a bit snug. They feel about the same as they did "back when".

Don't get me wrong. There is a lot of positives going on in my head too. That is what is keeping me from going off the deep end and throwing my hands in the air and saying to heck with it all.  I need to face the "demons" in order to move on.

Wednesday Weigh In

Stayed even again this week.

There are a few things going on that I know I need to tackle this week. First, my calories have *mostly* been on target. Sure, there have been 2-3 days in the last 2 weeks that I've been a bit over (by 200 or so) but for the most part the calories in are just fine.  Calories out?  Well, I've been doing the work at the gym but I haven't been able to get the work in at home. Prepping for the tagsale and working on the cake last week took a huge chunk of my time.

The other portion to is my calories  may have been OK but my food choices could be a lot better. I'm noticing I'm reaching more and more for the Lean Cuisines. I like quick. I like easy. Instead of having fruit for snacks, I tend to reach for the packaged granola bar type stuff.  

The onus is on me.
No excuses.
It is what it is.

So, for this week, the plan is to load back up on fruits and veggies for snacks and meals, cut down on the nuke-a-meals, and hydrate.  The coming week to ten days is going to be a bit rough with the workouts because my schedule is rather full with appointments and getting this tagsale stuff ready on time.  While most of my time will be spent on "other stuff", I can certainly put the effort in to make better food choices.

I also believe know there is a lot of mental stuff going on right now. It's stuff I haven't gotten all figured out yet but am working on it. Hopefully I can find the words soon to get it all out. Until then, I'm off to workout.

Weekend Wrap-Up, Catch-up and FMM

How's that for a Monday!

What have I been up to? Well, on the weight loss front, I stayed the same last week.  Although, when I had my weigh in at the gym I was down half a pound. Either way, I'm about the same. I have more to say about that topic but will get back to it when I have the proper time to sit, think, and write it all down.

What's been keeping me away from here?  Mostly this:

I'm participating in a local mother's tagsale in a few weeks. The prep is, well, going. This is a lot of work but hopefully I'll have some luck and sell a huge chunk of this stuff.  It's amazing what you forget you have when it is all put up in the attic. Sigh.

Last week, along with prepping for the tagsale, I was working on this:

If you don't know already, this is the Minecraft Cake along with the Creeper from Minecraft.  My son and his friends are addicted to this game!  I made the cake for my son's friend. It was a lot of work but a lot of fun to see the kids' excitement! So, I was busy baking 7 cakes and cutting 100's of not-so-square squares from fondant. What did I learn from this?  First, I can't cut a straight line even when using a straight-edge. Second, I really need to look things over and plan them out before I say I can handle it.  Yes, I did get the cake done in time. Yes, It was a lot of work. Yes, it was fun. Yes, it was stressful.

Now I'm back to focusing on the tagsale and me.

Alright, time for a bit o'fun....
If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: www.alltheweigh.com so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

 Ten Questions

1. Describe the kind of home you would live in if money were no object.  I'd live in a big house with big bedrooms and walk-in closets. I'd love a giant play-room and craft room that's not in the basement. My kitchen would have the latest and greatest and would have all the cabinet space anyone could ever want or need.  Are you picking up what I'm throwing down here?  I need space! ;-) 

2. Are you more conservative in your actions or more rebellious? I'm probably more conservative.  I have a bit of rebellion in me, but it's just a pinch. 

3. Would you go to Mars even if it meant you could never return to Earth? Ummm...no. 

4. Name one song that makes you want to dance every time you hear it.    Billy Idol's Mony, Mony. And Footloose.  Yes, I'm old. 

5. Share one thing that you wish you could go back and do differently in your life.  I'd take deep breaths before reacting. I mostly react then think. 

6. Share at least one accomplishment that people wouldn’t expect you to be proud of.  Accomplishment questions always get me. I remember on the application for The Biggest Loser there was a similar question and I froze. I honestly don't feel like I've accomplished much  in my life. How sad is that?

7. Describe one delicious thing that you’ve eaten lately.  I've been eating rather boringly (is that even a word?) as of late.  I can't think of anything that was particularly delicious. 

8. If you had a theme song that would play every time you entered a room, which song would you choose?  I mentioned in an earlier post that my theme song is This Girl is On Fire. 

9. Had technology enhanced your life, or has it over complicated your life?  Probably a bit of both. It's wonderful to live in a world where information is at your fingertips. At the same time though, it's often much too easy to get sucked into the electronic box. 

10. If you could get paid to do any job, which job would you choose?  Either a baker or a Disney worker. 

What about you?

Wednesday Weigh In

A great week for me last week!
Down 3.6
Total since restart in September 34.4
And am 6 pounds away from hitting 50 lost from my highest weight.

I feel like I'm on a roll right now.  I'll take it but am cautious to know that a weight loss like that this week could mean a goose egg or very little for next week. That's OK, I'm going in the right direction and can't wait for more.

I ventured out to the mall to try on a few dresses today. Well, I was really there to find dress shoes for the boys and decided to pop in to one of the stores because I liked a dress in the window.  I picked 2 to try on. One was really long and pretty (here) I tried it on with a matching sweater. My son said I looked like a princess. Man! I love that boy! Anyway, It was very pretty but I thought it was a little big on the top.

I also tried on this one  which also has a matching cover sweater.  I really liked this one. Again though, the top part of the dress was a little big but it's certainly a contender.

I need to go back when I don't have a child with me. He really was a good boy but it's hard to try things on with a 4 year old in tow. If hubs gets home at a decent hour tonight, we may head up to the mall to try on a few other ones I had my eye on.

Bring on another week...

Weekend Wrap-up

Ugh. More snow!  Friday was a bust as far as getting anything outside of the house done. I was supposed to have a doctor's appointment followed by my gym time. Didn't make it to either of those. The driving what just awful. And for me to say that, you have to know it's bad!
I did manage to shovel a bit though. Just did the walkway and a path that needs to be done to mark out where our stone wall is (snow markers aren't enough because it's at all kinds of strage).

The bright side is that the snow is now MELTING!  YEAH! We got nearly two feet (again) on Friday and I'd have to say a good chunk of it is gone now. The weather is only supposed to get warmer this week and there isn't any snow in the extended forecast -miracle of miracles!

The Hubs and my eldest went on an overnight with the scouts last night.  They got to sleep on a carrier ship. I loved hearing what tales they had to tell but was so glad it was Hubs that went and not me. Our military needs to be thanked again and again!  Those quarters are tight (and stinky).   Anywho, the tiny man and I had a date-day. We went bowling with one of his little friends, then we popped over to Friendly's for a little ice cream.

Did you panic there when I said ice cream?  Guess what I had?  A diet Coke (shhhh...I know!) and I only had a lick of tiny man's ice cream from his sundae. That's it.  Huge victory right there!  Ice cream is a huge downfall for me. Honestly, it wasn't even painful to watch them eat it.  I knew if I had any I would have to spend three hours on the treadmill just to make up for a small portion of what I would have eaten - not.worth.it. Yeah me!

The bad part though is that my eating in general has been less than stellar.  I've been within calories but the food choices are terrible. Gotta get my head all the back in the game....

...I have a dress to fit into! A dress? YIKES!  My son's First Communion is coming up in May. I should probably wear a dress for that. Haven't worn one in forever.  Even at my smallest, I didn't like the way dresses fit me.  I have good "birthing" hips as my husband so eloquently calls them. I've always felt like nothing in the dress or skirt category fit quite right.  I'm eager to give it a go though. I've been looking online for ideas and will hit the stores in a few weeks. I'll keep you posted.

Today was a fairly quiet day around the house. I did a bunch of housework this morning followed by some craft time. My boys are all wiped out so nothing more than hanging out was going to happen around here. I was able to get a workout in though which made me feel a million times better.

Bring on the week.

Tiny Man Recovers

My tiny man is out of the OR and is awake. He's asking for lunch so that's a great sign. As long as his vitals remain OK (no reason to think otherwise), he'll be out of here in another two hours. He did really well through this whole process. When he got up this morning and tried to get to the fridge (my husband tied it closed) for his morning chocolate milk, he was a little irritated that he couldn't have anything. That's when we started explaining what was about to happen.

We started with "you have to go see Doctor so he can get the monkeys out of your ears". That about sent him over the edge but he came around pretty quickly.  He was fairly quiet on the ride over to the hospital and got even more quiet when we walked in. He refused to speak to any of the nurses and fought the tears a few times but he mainly kept a brave face.

Last time we were in (about 18 months ago), I explained that he was going to go into a room with Doctor and there would be a bunch of nurses and other doctors there to help. I told him that everyone would have cool masks and that he'd get his very own mask too. He handled it very well last time so I used the same tactic this go around. Again, he handled it like a trooper.

Before heading to the OR, he wasn't very talkative and kept giving everyone the stink-eye.  The anestesiologist changed that though!  When she told him he could have all the (chocolate) ice cream he wanted today, his mood did a complete and total one eighty!  The nurses were so happy to see him smile.

Daddy went in to the OR with him. He went to sleep without any issue and came through surgery fairly quickly. He took a little bit to cometo. The nurse said she finds that little boys like thier rest while the girls typically wake up rearing to go. It's taken him a few hours, but he's finally turning into his typical self. He's still not speaking to the nurses but he'll at least speak to us. He's asked for (tons of) food and is drinking like a fish. He's not in any pain and slowly buy surely I'm seeing that he's about ready to get going.


Thank you all for your well wishes!
We're just hoping that this solves his sinus and ear issues. I've heard so many parents say that it was the best thing they've done for their child, I hope that rings true in our case!

Wednesday Weigh In

FINALLY!!

Down 3.6 this week! Brings my total to 30.8 and the Biggest Loser Contest total to 22.

I was even more excited this morning when I was rifling though some of my summer clothes looking for something I could work out in. I happened to find a pair of pants that I bought over a year ago when I was working hard. I bought them in a size smaller than I was at the time. I could just barely get them up but never came close to buttoning them. Today?  Not only can I pull them up, I can get them buttoned and I didn't even have to lay down to do it. I wouldn't wear them in public just yet though. The legs are a bit tight for my liking but they fit! There were a few other items in there with tags still on that didn't fit before but now do. What a great feeling!  All this work is finally paying off!

----
Tomorrow is going to be nerve wracking for me.  My little guy is having (minor) surgery. He's having a (third) set of tubes put in and they are taking out his adenoids. My poor guy is constant with the ear infections and runny nose. We are hoping this will do the trick.  I'll be a nervous wreck until he wakes up. I hate that he has to go all the way under for the adenoids. So, please send us some happy, quick recovery thoughts. Thank you.

Weekend wrap-up and FMM:

I've been working on a post about the calorie discussion for a few days now. I've about given up on it though because I've been having some trouble with getting a picture (graph) I wanted to share to save so I can upload it. So frustrating when things don't work the way you want them to. I won't have time to work on the post for another few days so we'll see if it gets done at this point.

This weekend was the last weekend of hubs three week vacation.  We spent Saturday with his parents who traveled up here to see us (the grandkids really) and yesterday we ran errands. We finished up the weekend with family movie night. Back to the grind today. Not yet sure how I'm feeling about it. Was great having hubs home with me for three weeks. We (he) got a number of things done around the house yet there were other things that are still on the to-do list. Although, does that list ever really go away?

I'm playing along with Kenlie's FMM today. Has been while, thought it might be fun to join in again.

 Almost Spring

1. What do you love most about Spring?  I love the melting snow, the longer days, and the first blooms to peak through the ground. 

2. If you’re lucky enough to have a Spring Break, what will you do to enjoy it? No spring break here. Too old. 

3. What is your favorite flower? Lilacs!  

4. Do you have a garden?  If so, what do you grow?  I have a garden in my yard. Is it my garden though? No. My father gardens. He grows all sorts of flowers and vegetables. I didn't inherit the green thumb. 

5. Share one thing that you hope to accomplish during Spring.  My goal right now is to continue on with the weight loss. It's the only thing I have in my sights. I am more focused than ever and everything else is just background noise. 

6. Do you do Spring cleaning?  Yes. I'm participating in a mother's club yard sale next month and then we plan on having our own home yard sale to get rid of everything else that's laying around. All this yard sale prep is helping with getting everything cleaned and organized. 

7. What is your weather *really* like right now? {Just b/c it’s almost Spring, doesn’t mean that it feels like it for some of you.}  It was warmer over the weekend (mid 40's to 50) but this morning is very cold. 

8. Share one photo that you’ve taken during the month of March.   I haven't taken many. Just from bowling the other day with the grandparents. The camera is still in the car. 

9. What’s your favorite thing to do on a sunny afternoon?  It's sunny today. Cold though. When it's sunny and warmer, I love being outside taking in the sunshine and breathing the fresh air. On days like today though, I just like driving around thinking about spring and summer. 

10. If you could spend the day doing anything in your city, what would you do?  Harbor Cruise. I love being on the water. 

I hope you'll play along too!