Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Plate is full

Ever feel so overwhelmed that if one more thing, even the tiniest of things goes wrong, you'll go off the deep end?  And by the deep end I'm talking full-on, old fashioned nervous breakdown kind of deep end. You know, where your hair falls out in clumps, you have knots the size of king kong's fists in your shoulders, you begin to have a bit of IBS get the picture.

So, have you ever felt that way?

That's pretty much where I am at right at this moment.  The trouble is that I have a history of depression.  The above is a fair description of what it feels like to be depressed.  I have to be able to differentiate between an actual depression and "real-life" stress. That's NOT to say that depression isn't real-life, because it IS. I just mean that things can seem bigger than they really are when you are in a depression.  

I'm 99.99% sure that what I am feeling and thinking isn't part of a depression.  I guess I just need to be really careful to not let it get to that point. Meds suck. (Just sayin').  For right now though, there is just too much on my plate. If I go through the list one at a time, I think "oh, that's not so bad". The trouble is though that when things get piled on top of each other, it feels like a mountain. And my mountain doesn't look to be shrinking.

What really stinks about how I'm feeling is that I'm adding guilt to my pile.  Oh, I know I shouldn't ever feel bad (guilty) about how I'm feeling. We have feelings for a reason. When people around me have bigger issues, my little ones that make a big giant pile seem so insignificant which ends up making me feel ridiculous for having so much stress over what is meaningless items in the bigger picture.

What has me so stressed out?
Let's start with the one that has been a big problem for a number of months.  The bathroom. Yup!  It's STILL not done!  Every single time I see an end in sight and think "oh, we should have a shower by the end of next week", something blows that plan right the hell up. I've been fighting tears every day for two weeks about this stupid remodel.  My best guess is that it will be another two weeks before we'll have a working shower in there.  It really gets me down. You have no idea. Even writing right now I am fighting the tears.  The amount of stress this stupid bathroom has caused....
best let it be for right now before I go and have myself an aneurysm.

Then there is a pile of other less-significant stuff. Some I've already handled, some I'm still processing and handling and other stuff that replaces stuff I've already dealt with.  Like having to pay $1000 in car repairs on hub's car today. Or the fact that I also need new tires (only 2) and that will be another couple of hundred.

All that and I'm also worried about hubs.  He has a strange thing growing on his legs.  It started out looking like a possible blood clot (he was tested, it's not). Now it's grown even bigger and is in a few other spots.  Let's leave it as I'm worried about him.  He's feeling OK so that's a good sign. Still can't help but worry.

So, if you have a magic wand, would you mind casting a spell to finish the stupid bathroom so all the smaller stuff won't feel so big?  Thanks.



  1. Hi Jenn! Make sure your husband goes to the doctor right away. That worries me too.

    1. Thanks Marion, he's been three times. She was happy that it's not as red today and the swelling is coming down a bit. Thinking he may need to work from home for a few days.

  2. Hey, if you find that magic wand make sure to share the wealth. I could sure use it myself. I think those are all valid and stressful issues you are dealing with Jenn. I hope things work out soon, depression sucks. You're not alone

    1. I will always share. I'm good like that. :)


  3. Oh no Jenn, I so understand the feeling of guilt on top of everything else. I so hope that hubby is going to be ok.

  4. {{HUGS}} thoughts & prayers going out for you all!

  5. Sending big hugs your way. I hope your hubby is alright and things start falling into place soon.