On the upswing

I am feeling better today.
Not 100% myself, but am getting there.

I've been able to function today. Catching up on the house cleaning and the laundry but it's at a snails pace. The good news though is that I am not feeling overwhelmed and helpless like I have during the last few days.

I have to say this has (clearly) been the worse cycle I have had in a long, long time. I am still not 100% but hopefully I will be by the end of the week. I hate that I can just function. I have a million things to do and can't focus on just one for more than 5 seconds. I've sat down three times to write about how I'm feeling and I'm always distracted or I just feel like even this writing thing is just another huge chore to do. Ugh. I hate not being myself.

Like I said though, I am feeling much better today. I actually smiled a few times, that hasn't happened in days.

------

A note about my check-up from last week. My M-spike is stable (YEAH!!). I was a little concerned because I've been having this hip pain. It's a new pain. I did read somewhere though that it can be a symptom associated with PMDD. Something I will have to ask the DR about when I have my meeting about getting on an anti-depressant later this week.

And as far as the weight goes? Miraculously I am holding steady. Not so sure how that is happening. Truth be told, there has been an awful lot of binge eating going on these days. It's slowing down (thankfully) though as I am feeling better.

Hopefully I will see more sunshine tomorrow!

Just Breathe

...it's what I keep trying to tell myself to do. I am sitting here writing through tears.
All weekend I kept telling myself that I just needed to make it to Monday. I have my appointment with the doctor, well had an appointment. The office called to cancel as she went home sick.

I just got off the phone with the office staff, my appointment is now scheduled for Friday. The real sucky thing on top of it all is that my prescriptions are all through mail-order. I will have to wait that much longer to get on something!  The lady on the phone said "well, you realize it takes time to get in your system anyway - a few weeks". "Yes, I understand that. But for me? Takes 3 days". She was shocked. Everyone always is. I am super sensitive to medications. That just how I roll. It can clearly be a good thing.

Just going to have to practice my relaxation techniques and push through all of this. One moment at a time.

PMS, or worse

Not feeling any better today.

The depression is actually worse.

The good news is that I have an appointment Monday morning with the Doctor. Meds are in my near future.

Keeping things simple for right now. Don't want to give anyone the impression that I am completely crazy. I'm just a little nuts. :D

The blues

I have the blues today.

I had a post all written up about how I feel. When I re-read it, it sounded like I was about to commit suicide. I'm not *that* down. Just have severe PMS!

I wish I could just snuggle on the couch and watch movies with my little guy today, but I can't. Obligations suck. It's tough being a grown up.

Hopefully I will feel better tomorrow.
Making plans. Spending time really thinking about my eating and how to get back into better habits.

Check up day

Well, that was fun! The drive in to Boston started out just fine but ended up being a nightmare (nothing new, really) when I hit the city outside of the City. Without any traffic, it would normally take about 45 miniutes to reach the hospital. Today it was almost 90 miniutes. And I wonder why my blood pressure is high when I come here.

Maneuvering the parking garage is always fun too. Dana Farber's garage is 7 levels under ground. I'm parked on level six. Going to be packed in there for sure!

Get off the elevator and the smell hits me. Hits me hard. The smile on my face has just turned into a worried and sad frown. This building has a smell to it that I just can't explain. It always hits me like a ton of bricks. It is the smell of sickness.

Start walking over to the lab service area and notice the check-in desk has moved to the front of the room. No line. I check in and am given this yellow tag to wear so they can track the wait times and know where I am in the building should they need to find me. Tag. I'm it.

Now that I have my yellow tag and my standard issue wrist bracelet with all my info on it; it's time to sit and wait. The waiting room, per usual, is a sea of sick people with their concerned loved ones in tow. There are few empty seats. I finally find a spot where my husband and I can sit together. We sit. He asks if I am ok. Yes. No. Seeing all these people here, oxygen tubes and those doctor face masks hide a lot of faces. This place is full of worry. Cant't wait to get upstairs where it isn't as bad.

I'm called almost right away. I recognize the phlebotomist and panic. I had her last time. I am a difficult stick. Very difficult. She had a really rough go last time. This time I opted not to warn her about my difficult veins. She did "get me" on the first stick though. One vile anyway. My vein was on the verge of collapse when I told her that I am difficult and reminded her of our last visit together, not that I expected her to remember me. Anyway, we had to find another vein. And so began the poking and digging and heat pads and squeezing...after five miniutes she finally found a good one to fill the remaining five viles. I will have a bruise or two but it's done for this time.

Ok. Time to go upstairs. It's usually a bit happier up here, not as many people. And when there are, they typically aren't of the sickest. I check in, pass in my yellow tracker and am told I seeing the nurse practitioner! WHAT? I wasn't told that. I have it on my schedule that I am seeing Dr. L. She told me they tend to work off each other's schedules. I walk away with a bit of sadness and frustration but will give the woman a chance. What other choice do I have?

Now I'm in the waiting room. There are a lot of people here today. Hard to find an open seat. We do find a place to sit together and I immediately start writing. I want to remember my thought s and feelings as they happen. Looking around, I see some smiles. People are talking more freely. There is more hope in the air.

Here I am blogging.

A hospital volunteer just approached us to inform us of all the benefits and programs the hospital has to offer. They let you borrow iPads for example. Yup, I meant to grab one on the way up so I wouldn't have to type on my iPhone. Oh bother! She also informed me about a program the hospital has where you can create a web page to keep people informed of your treatment and how you are feeling. "Thankfully I'm not at the point of needing treatment", I politely say and continue with "you all do a great job of keeping things around here more upbeat". We have a few more words and I'm back to blogging on my little iPhone.

In I'm called to the office. Waiting to meet Dr. L's nurse practitioner. Ginger is her name. In she walks introducing herself to me and asks quizzically who the person next to me is. "and you are?" she asks. "I'm Rich" says my husband. She looks at us both with a confused look and asks if he's my brother? WHAT! I know we are both plump and blonde, but I dint't think we look like we come from the same bloodline. "no" I say. He's my husband. She chuckles and says we don't look old enough to be married. Ummmm.... I'm 36, but thanks.

We continue exchanging the niceties. Turns out she grew up in the town I live in, which so happens to be the town I grew up in. The banter continues before she asks me how I've been feeling. "OK, been having some bone pain and my hip is now hurting. My hip and my shoulder. It's a new pain. Mostly a discomfort, but sometimes a pain". She asks me a few more questions before giving my tests results, the ones that are ready. Everything is within normal range. So that is all good.

She went over what all my numbers are and why I am categorized as a MGUS/Smoldering Myeloma patient. Dr. L does this at every meeting and with each meeting I understand things just a little more. So, we all have some protiens in our blood. They are there to help with infections and things like that. The problem is that I have an extra protein; a Gamma M Spike. Mine was .81 at diagnosis. The troubling part is that even that number is relatively low (should be zero), so one would think I wouldn't have plasma cells in my bone marrow. I did. 10% back in Feb of 2011. That is what put me in the category of having Smoldering Myeloma. But, because my M spike is so low in my blood, I am still in the MGUS stage. Although, I have Smoldering Myeloma. Is your head spinning yet?  Mine is. Deep breaths.

So, my numbers last year:
1/11: .81
2/11: .94
6/11: .74
10/11: .72

Hopefully the number this time will continue on that downward trend. I will know on Tuesday or Wednesday of next week.   So, if you are really confused, no worries. I'm not the best at explaining all this. I have a hard time understanding it myself. Just know that everything is status-quo for now.

OK, blood is discussed. I am healthy. What about this hip thing?
She calls in Dr. L. He ordered and X-ray and said if things don't improve over the next month (been getting worse since November), he'll order an MRI.

Now, while we were waiting for Dr. L to come in, I decided to ask Ginger about my "pressing" question on whether or not it's OK to have another baby. Her first question; "why would you want another one"  I was taken aback by that question. She went on to tell me she's not the one to ask because she has a disease that could be passed on to her children so she opted just to have one. I tried to clarify that I wanted a scientific answer. Hubs asked whether or not it would/could make things progress. She again said she's not the one to talk to about this and I should talk to my OB.

I felt so little. I felt like I was being judged. It's not up to her to judge me and my decisions or thoughts on enlarging my family. It's something I've always wanted to do. I planned on having three children. The third one would be here (providing everything went well) by now had I not been diagnosed with the MGUS/Smoldering Myeleoma.  I know this is ultimately my decision. It's a difficult one to make. Yes, I know I have two beautiful children. I realize I *should* quit while I'm ahead. I'm not asking for a moral debate; I was asking for some science. It's left me feeling real bad. I will get over it.

X-ray went fine. Everything was ok. No lesions. That's a great sign! Not sure what it is. Took a urine to check for UTI. We'll see.

Four and a half hours. That's the time I spent at Dana Farber today. I sit here tonight happy that I am still healthy. I sit here happy that I am *probably* a long ways from being sick. But, I am also sitting here exhausted. Emotionally and physically. Seeing sick people, being judged about the possibility of having another baby, and just being is exhausting.

Tomorrow is a new, brighter day.

I am exhausted!  Watched my Patriots win over the Ravens yesterday. Was one of the most stressful games I've ever watched. Still can't believe we won!  I'm nervous about the rematch with the Giants in the Superbowl though. My brother is an obnoxious Giants fan...we'll see. 

No gym this weekend. I really need to do a workout at home on the weekends if I'm not going to make it into the gym. Something I have to work on. 

And onto FMM:

If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: www.alltheweigh.com so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

 FMM: Short Answers

1. Mac or PC? Mac all the way! 
2. Do you paint your own nails? No. I like a good manicure but hate the upkeep. 
3. Beach or mountains?  Both. 
4. What’s the title of the book you’re currently reading?  A book about Allergies. I don't have my Kindle close so can't get the name. 
5. Do you dance?  Not in public. 
6. CNN or Fox News?  I read my news. Mostly from Fox. 
7. Do you ride a bicycle?  No. 
8. Do you get a yearly flu shot?  I have. But I am not a fan of them. My OB talked me into it when I was pregnant a few years back. I didn't get one this year. 
9. Best movie you’ve seen in 2012?  Haven't seen any. Last movie I saw in the theaters was Cars 2. 
10. Do you prefer to workout at home or at the gym?  The Gym. It's too easy to go easy on myself if I'm at home.
11. Last airport you were in?  Boston. Returning from somewhere. I have no idea where though. Probably San Diego? Man! It's been too long! The last few times we were in Florida, we drove. 
12. Married or single?  Married
13. iPhone or Android? iPhone
14. Do you prefer to be in pictures or taking pictures?  Starting to like both
15. Favorite brand of sneakers?  New Balance
16. Do you like snow?  I like a December snow. That's about it. 
17. Do you have/want to have kids?  Have 2 boys. Would like 1 more but not sure it's in the cards. 
18. Summer or Winter? Summer. 
19. Do you know how to swim?  Yes. We have a pool. 
20. Do you prefer to shop in store or online?  Both. Depends on what I am shopping for. Some stuff I like it when I want it. 

Now it's your turn. 

Gym woes

Thursday nights are a sure thing for the gym and me. My son has tennis lessons which happen to be at my gym. While he is playing tennis, I am in the gym getting my sweat-on. Last night was no different. I dropped him off at the court and then walked into the fitness room. When I got to the door though, I almost burst into tears. All the bikes were taken. All but one lonely recumbent bike. Why would this frustrate me?  The answer is two-fold:

1. I HATE the recumbent bike. I know I am almost alone in this. My belly just gets in the way and I feel like I am going to fall out of the seat; thus putting more pressure on my feet because I squeeze them as if to get a better grip on the peddle.

2. I have to use a bike for cardio. I could swim too, but I can't use the treadmill or the elliptical. At least not right now. My feet aren't in a good spot right now with the plantar fasciitis.

I *almost* walked away. I *almost* went to sit down in a chair to sulk and watch my son play tennis. I didn't though. Wanted to, but didn't. I decided I would do five minutes on the elliptical. I ended up completing twenty. It's not that I can't do the elliptical, it's that my feet "yell" at me for it. I pushed through though and was very pleased with myself for getting on their even though I knew I was going to pay for it later. (I didn't - I did enough stretches after).

 I am going to work on doing the elliptical once a week. I forgot how much I love it!  And I didn't realize how far I have come cardiovascular wise. I usually bring the cross-ramp and the resistance down to 1 to 2. I was able to bring them both up to 4 and get a great workout in. So nice to change things up a bit and see how far I come. If only my feet would cooperate.

The gym and I were friends again this morning as well. Today I was back on the bike though. I pushed myself to peddle faster and harder by really pushing the resistance up. I really worked up a sweat - haven't done that in a while. Felt great.

Emotional Eating

And there we have it folks!  My problem is emotional eating. It dawned on me when I reached for a second helping of cheese crackers. I wasn't hungry. I just had my snack.

I was bored
I was tired
I was stressed

All of the above has contributed to my lack of success. I guess in some ways I've had success in that I haven't been continuing to gain, but if I continue on this path...

Now to pull my head out of the sand and get moving here. Thinking of ideas to get me moving back in the right direction; get me back into living.

I have to admit, I don't get enough sleep. I go to bed way too late, and even then, I stay up to futz around on my iPhone, catching up on email, facebook status updates, playing games...That has to stop. I know it's a bad habit. Hubs "yells" at me all the time about it. I will eventually fall asleep somewhere around mid-night or just after. I get out of bed at 7:30ish. I toss and turn a lot during the night. I wake up a few times as well. And I probably have apnea but am too stubborn to have the sleep study done. I do believe the sleep issue is #1 on my list. I know I have to do better with getting into a routine and taking myself offline earlier in the night.

Boredom?  Yes, a little. I am a stay-at-home Mom. I'm very lucky to be able to stay home with my kids. That being said, I do get a little bored with my day...I want to talk a little more about this in another post. All-in-all though, I feel as if I wasn't so darn tired, I wouldn't be bored.

Stress. What stress?  Why would I have any stress?  Well, being a stay-at-home Mom, the budget does tend to get tight. There are times when I wonder how we even make it work. I also get stressed out about the state of cleanliness (or the lack-there-of) in my house. Anyone with kids knows that it's a constant battle to keep the house in pristine condition. I need to get over the thought of having a pristine house and embrace the organized chaos that is around here.   Again though, I am better with dealing with stress when I get a good night's sleep.

The moral of the story? It all comes down to rest.

And it really does. I went to bed a little earlier than usual last night and am happy to report that I am full of life today. I have more energy and am not looking to satisfy something that doesn't need to be satisfied. Life is good with adequate sleep.

Snow what?

And we have snow!  Not a lot. Just a little dusting. The kids are delighted. I'm OK with it too. It's not winter without a little snow. The kids couldn't wait to get their gear on this morning to get out there and horse around in the snow. School is in though, so no "snow day" here. YIPPEE!  Anyway, my little guy loved getting in his snowsuit and gear. He had so much fun throwing snowballs at his big brother. It was so nice to see them have so much fun before school.

OK. Confession time. I broke. I broke hard. I ended up getting myself some Diet Coke last night. I had one on my way to cake class and I bought some more for today and this week. I did opt for the caffeine free version though. I know, I know; it's so bad for me...blah, blah, blah. I was having a really hard time. And guess what? I am doing a little better today with the eating. Although, it is only noon. My witching hour isn't until 3:00. I really know then if it was worth jumping off the train.

I guess I am like a toddler. I was having my temper tantrum and wasn't doing the things I should be doing. Today is a bit different. I've logged onto LoseIt.com (that's where I do my logging) and have been on there every time I put something in my mouth. So far, so good. Now that I have what I really wanted all along, I am behaving.

I look forward to reading Kenlie's blog over at AllTheWeigh.com . I find her to be a great source of inspiration to me because she's already lost a great deal of weight and has proven (to me) that this really can be done without surgery (as the doctor would prefer). 

I especially look forward to her FMM (Friend Makin' Monday) posts. Reasoning? She always gives me something to think about and it's not always specifically about weight loss. And I like having a topic pre-chosen for me. Like I've said before, I have a ton of things that come up within the course of the week, but by the time I get a moment in the day to sit and talk about it I just don't have the energy or the time. Working on both. 

Anyway, when I opened Kenlie's blog today to see the topic, I chuckled. Weight-loss tips? From me? No way! I am just stuck in a rut. It's one I've made for myself. I know what I need to do. I can't blame the holidays anymore. Can't even blame my husband (not that I ever did)...he's been eating much better since his bout with gout over Christmas break. For some reason, I just can't get the eating under control. 

I scoured the internet last night looking for some clues to help me with the binge and/or "closet" eating. I thought giving up the diet soda would help with that, usually does. Not this time. It's most likely that I'm dehydrated and need to drink water. I hate water.  I honestly do. Especially in the winter. I want carbonation. I long for carbonation. "Have soda water", you say. I hate that crap. "try a lemon or lime in your water". Been there. Done that. Let's face it, I am set in my ways and stubborn as all hell. I want my Diet Coke and am having a toddler's temper tantrum about having to give it up.  End of story.  

So, I guess I need to thank Kenlie for this topic. Maybe by putting down on "paper" what I've learned, what has gotten me through in the past, will help me move on through today and the future....

If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: www.alltheweigh.com so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

FMM: Weight-Loss Tips

1. Plan, plan, plan. Simple as that. I found I do better when I know what my lunches and dinners are going to be through the day/week. The rest will fall into place. 

2. Weigh/measure everything. It's a basic foundation on this path. It's elementary. Has. To. Happen. 

3. Journal. Writing everything down is so helpful in that at the end of the day I can see if I've had enough veggies or too much in carbs. The key (for me) is to have a balanced diet. Eating too much in one category can definitely put me off track. 

4. Exercise. Not just cardio. I have found  doing  strength training is a huge key to my success. I've started using Fitocracy.Com to log my workouts. They give points for different exercises you do and you "level" up as you move through your workouts. The competitor in me loves it. 

5. Stop when I am satisfied; not when I am full. Tough distinction, but once I found that spot, it made all the difference in the world. 

So there are a few of my "tips". It's all stuff that has worked for me in the past and no it's time to put it into action for today and the future. 

I said on Friday that my weekend was all about planning. I did that...now to make the rest fall into place. I just need one good week because that will turn into two which will then turn into three...you get the idea. 

What are your tips?  

And Thank You Kenlie!  This was a great topic. The timing couldn't have been better! 

Dragging

OK. So this week hasn't been as huge of a success as last week was.
The logging just isn't happening.
The gym is winning though. I upped my bike time to thirty minutes from twenty. One small step in the right direction.

The weekend plan is to
 #1. Watch the Patriots beat the Broncos. :D
#2. Food plan for the weekend and into next week
#3. Plan, plan, plan
#4. Did I mention planning?

You get the idea.
I would really love to write more but my bones are stabbing me right now and it's all I can think about. I have my appointment in two weeks at Dana Farber; I swear the pains start up right before I have an appointment just to stress me out even more.

I will be OK.

Happy Monday! 

Last week's changes were a success!  I managed to get myself off of the dreaded diet soda (again) and I made it to the gym three times. I was hoping to get in there over the weekend but was unable (and probably a bit unwilling) to make it work. 

This week's goals:  Weigh, measure and journal every morsel that enters my mouth. Take my vitamins and prescribed meds (I'm so bad with that!). Drink more water and have at least 2 vegetarian meals.  

Small changes add up quick. I need to pick a few things to work on each week so I don't fall flat on my face. Once I really get these basics down, I will be better off with the weight loss. No more maintaining for me. Time to get down and dirty. 

Until then, let's see about some FMM...

If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: www.alltheweigh.com so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

FMM: Getting To Know You

1) What is one of your favorite ways to spend a Saturday? It depends. Saturday's are usually filled with doing projects around the house that I was unable to get done during the week. It's also a time for some much-needed "me" time. I'm a stay at home mom. I love being with my kids and realize how lucky I am to be able to stay home with them, but I need breaks sometimes. And finally, we will have some family fun by way of playing outside in the nicer weather or playing games or watching a movie or....

2) List your top three favorite TV shows.  Grey's, Private Practice, Biggest Loser

3) Would you rather be in pictures or take them? Take Them! Although, I am getting more comfortable with being in them. 

4) Why do you blog? I find it therapeutic in a way- it keeps me accountable. I don't typically get to write about all the things that I am thinking about. If only my computer could be hooked up to my brain on a daily basis!  I always have these great thoughts but by the time I actually have the time to sit down to write, I've either lost the ideas, I don't feel like talking about it anymore, or I just don't have the time/energy to write. 

5) Share five websites that you visit regularly…

Facebook -ugh! Another thing I should give up! 

Pinterest

Various blogs

News sites

6) If you could have lunch with one person from your Twitter list who would it be? I don't really use Twitter. I have a Twitter account but am rarely on there. 

7) List a few of your favorite snacks. Cheese (That's going on the list of things to get rid off real soon), yogurt, crackers

8 ) Do you have a pet? If so, what kind?   I have 2 cats. 

9) Which three material possessions would you struggle to live without?   Computer, iPhone, scrapbooking supplies

10) What’s your favorite drink? Ummm...diet soda?  OK - now it has to be Tea (hot only) or water.

11) Do you enjoy cooking? I HATE cooking. I stress out about dinner every day! 

12) Do you have children? Yes!  2 boys. 7 and 3. 

13) What are your favorite hobbies?  Scrapbooking and cake decorating

14) Would you consider yourself to be shy or outgoing? Depends on the situation. I was always shy as a child. Although, I do believe my shyness was more of a confidence issue than a shyness issue. Anyway, if I am around people I know, I am very outgoing. New situations tend to make me more "shy" until I am comfortable with my surroundings. 

15) If you could change one thing about yourself, what would you change? I'm already working on my health. That's the biggest and most important thing to me right now.  

16) Who is your favorite actor/actress? Don't really have one. Seriously, I don't. 

17) What’s the coolest thing you’ve done this week?  I'm pretty boring. Very sad, but true. It's all about getting back into the routine from all the hustle and bustle of the holidays. 

18) Do you live near your family or far from them? Close. My parents live with us in an in-law apartment on my house. It's actually the house I grew up in; my grandparents lived in the apartment when I was growing up. My in-laws, on the other hand, are about a 4 hour drive away. 

19) List three of your talents. Maybe this is something I should change about myself. I don't view myself as being talented. I'm told my cakes are pretty cool. 

20) What is your greatest attribute? I'm caring. 

Week One

Here we are, nearing the end of Week One. All over again. That's right, I am starting fresh. It's a new year and a new month so why not just start fresh?  

As I stated in my last post, my goals for the week were to cut out soda (again) and to ease back into the gym routine. So far, so good. I haven't had any soda since Tuesday. I was dragging a bit yesterday and had a slight headache this morning, but I'm hanging in there. I know in the long run I am going to feel better and will eat less. 

The gym has also been a success for me this week. I've made it in three times. I did two full-hour workouts and just did a 25 minute cardio on the bike today. My muscles are a bit achy; I wouldn't have it any other way!  I've worked out a baby-sitting schedule for the rest of the month so my gym days are all on the calendar. No excuses now! 

As I'm wrapping up week one, I'm starting to think about what my goals for next week should be. I have many, many things that I would like to cut out of my diet but certainly don't want to do it all at once. I also have a number of questions for the Doctor that I would like to have answered before making too many changes.  So, for now, I think my goal for next week will be to journal. I do so much better when I am keeping track of every little morsel that I put in my mouth. I am going to couple the journaling together with measuring. I got to the point where eyeballing it was what I was doing, but because I haven't been in the weight loss zone for quite some time I really need to get back to the basics. 

I'm not too worried about the weighing in stuff just yet either. My main focus is on changing some bad habits and making some good ones happen. The rest should fall into place. 

Happy and Merry Everything...

...to you, that is! I hope you have a wonderful holiday season. 

For me, the holidays seem to just take over. I am busy in November with prepping (crafting) for my son's school. They hold a holiday fair where the kids come in and purchase gifts for their loved ones. It's such a wonderful thing to have this opportunity for the kids, but it's a lot of work. Exhausting. The fair is held during December. It's only 3 days long, but it's a loooong three day!  Believe you me!  It always takes so much out of me. Always happy when it's all done. And now the preparations for next year begin. 

And here we are in 2012. 

2011 had some bumps. Some larger than others. Some scary. Some just a nuisance. Made it through all the same though. I ended up gaining a little through the week of Christmas. Having the whole family home all at once really did me in. I gained a few pounds but am well on my to losing those pesky things. 

So, with my little gain, I still ended up with a total loss of 36 pounds for 2011. Not too bad. Certainly could have been better, but I am not about to belittle my accomplishments!  No way, no how. 

2012 is going to be better. It has to be. I've learned a lot about myself in the months where my losing was *almost* constant. I learned even more during the months where I was stagnant - pretty much since the end of September. 

My plan is to work on one or two things at a time as to not get overwhelmed. This week is about getting back in the gym and getting off the diet soda *again*. Diet soda is the bane of my existence. It won't stop taunting me. Yesterday I had 1/2 of a little bottle; none today. Taking it one day at a time. As far as the gym goes, I did my first workout in 2 weeks last night. It was rough going, but it really did feel great! 

I will be back in the gym tomorrow night and am working on a sitter so I can go Friday morning as well. 

So far 2012 is going along as planned. Would I like to be in this full-throttle? Sure. But it's hard getting 100% back on the wagon. I know from the past that when I go into things full-throttle, I fizzle out in a matter of a few days. I feel a lot safer taking baby steps. I know this way I will make small achievements which will eventually lead to big and better things. 

I have a lot more floating around in my mind right now that I would like to write about. But I have a million things going on around me and can't concentrate. I just really wanted to make sure I sat down to start blogging again. It's something that has helped in me in the past and hopefully will continue to keep me motivated. 

What are your plans for 2012?