Sunday, July 13, 2014


Obesity sucks.

I feel like there is no digging out.  I've tried and tried and tried and tried for many, many years to lose weight.  I have been my current size since I graduated high school (just a few short moons ago ).  Sure, I dropped some weight before I was married but only put that right back on. Then I had my first baby and put on about 50 pounds. I eventually lost that and a little more before getting pregnant with my second child. I didn't gain all that much the second time around, which was wonderful.  I've gained and lost. Lost and gained more times than I can count. 

Most of the time I try to accept the fact that I am who I am and just go on with life. After all,  a large portion of my family are overweight.  My parents are, my maternal grand-father was slightly overweight while my grandmother was a tiny little thing (why couldn't I have gotten her genes?).  My paternal grandparents weren't really overweight, well, my grandmother was chunkier in her elder years but when she was young, she was in the military and quite beautiful (not that being chunky isn't beautiful). There are many a cousins on both sides who are chunky to obese. Given all that in my gene pool, the cards are just stacked against me.

I'm getting tired of everything.

Tired of clothes not fitting, not being able to get up from off the floor easily, being uncomfortable in my skin because my skin is sticking to my skin.  Tired of thinking I can do this and be thinner and fitter by next summer (been saying that one for the last 29 summers). Tired of not seeing my cheekbones or my wrist bones.  Tired of hearing kids comment on how fat I am and thinking about the comments people mumble under their breath about my size. I'm tired of hoping and failing. Tired of broken promises to myself.

The thing I am most tired of is not being 150% happy with my life.   Don't get me wrong, I have a lot of blessings and things (people) to be happy and grateful for.  And I am grateful. I truly am. I think I've done all the things I can do in my life to be as happy as I can be given my weight.  It's time to shake things up and get to see that thin girl who's inside kicking and screaming to get out. The trouble is, I don't know how to get her out of there. I've tried so many keys and have failed. What's it going to take to break the code?  I guess time will tell.

I've turned to God for some guidance.  My relationship with the great Heavenly Father isn't all that great. I'm not a huge church goer for a lot of my own personal feelings and beliefs.  I do believe in God and in a higher power.  I believe in signs. So, I've asked for some guidance and have asked to be shown the way to a healthier me.  With His guidance, I've been researching a number of things. I've done more reading and thinking in the last few weeks about weight loss than I have about any other subject in my life.  I will find the key to my success; I know I will.

Until then, I will keep reading and will keep plugging away.  Every little ounce is one ounce closer to another goal. First goal is just 7.2 pounds (as of last week) away (taking things in 10 pounds increments).


  1. Hey Jenn, let me tell you, I hear ya. I'm tired of carrying all this weight around too, but just not able to make substantial progress. Until we do figure thing outs, I think it's important to just keep trying. If something isn't working, change it. If the new change doesn't work, change again. We'll eventually unlock this mystery.

    1. Thanks for stopping by!
      We'll find the key, then nothing will stop us!

  2. Your post sounds so familiar - I have felt exactly the same way. I've tried just about everything to lose weight in the past, and could easily lose 50-75 pounds and regain over and over again. I'm not religious, but I finally pleaded with God to point me in the right direction - show me what my body wanted to eat to get healthy, because I'd tried everything and it wasn't working. I'd followed a strict plant-based diet for six years and that left me fatter than ever and pre-diabetic. Giving up grains and sugar (basically low-carb, I eat lots of lean meats and veggies) has worked wonders for me. I still have challenges and frustrations (like the fluctuations I've had this past month) but truthfully I have never felt better and I know grains and sugar are out of my life forever. I've amazed myself by completing a C25K. Who knew I could run? LOL What I'm saying is don't give up - you will find a way that works for you and when you do you'll know it. All the best. :)

    1. Thanks for stopping by.
      I was reading a bit about your plan last night. I wish I could follow something like that. I get so very sick when I have all that protein, plus I have a medical condition in which I can't have a ton of protein. I'm supposed to balance my diet. Some days are easier than others.
      Congrats on the C25K! I've started the program a few times but always give up due to the pain. One of these days I'll suck it up and just do it. :)

  3. I totally get where you're coming from. Even though I feel like I work hard, I don't see as much progress as I feel I should. It often feels like I'm just doing enough to stay afloat -- but what I need to see is a change.

    As you said, every little ounce is an ounce closer to goal. Just keep at it as that is the only way that one day you will be successful. x