Have you ever noticed when you hear an old song on the radio, you are snapped back into a memory from that time period. Like when I hear Prince's Little Red Corvette, I think of my girl friends from high school and how we'd turn the radio up as loud as it would go to sing and dance like a bunch of mad people. Or when I hear Lonestar's Amazed I am right back in my husband's arms wearing my wedding gown dancing our first dance at our wedding.
Or how about when you buy a new package of Scotch tape and think about Christmas (that's what I always think of anyway). When you pop open a new box of Crayola Crayons and think about the days of elementary school.
I am sitting in the waiting room of Dana Farber Cancer Center. I just washed my hands and am overwhelmed by the smell of the soap. The soap smells of a serious illness. How do I know what a serious illness smells like? Does illness even have a smell? If it did, it would smell like the soap at Dana Farber. Which is just silly because when I was here nine months ago, I thought the soap smelled of babies; reminding me of the birth of my boys. It's all relative now though. I am no longer birthing babies but rather fighting to keep myself cancer free.
I started to write this entry while I was at my appointment yesterday. I'm usually in the waiting room a long time and really wanted to capture for you, and me, what I feel like and what I am really thinking while at the center. I was called into the offices rather quickly though so wasn't able to really finish my thoughts. It's OK. Next time.
That all being said, my visit went rather well. Still don't have the results back on the protein levels (that's an important one for my condition), but everything else was OK. I did ask Doc about my Raynaud's. It seems a lot worse than last year. My fingers and toes have been feeling the effects of the cold a lot earlier in the season. That had me a bit concerned. Doc decided to run a few more tests but the likelihood of my having whatever-it-is that he was thinking about is so slim. In other words, it's doubtful that the Raynaud's and the MGUS are related.
So, it seems I can go on about my business again until my next check up in three months. I'm not nervous about my protein levels as everything else was in check. I'm not letting the MGUS define me or control me. Although I will admit that it does for about 1-2 weeks prior to my check ups. Once I see I am fine though, I move on. This is me moving on.