Thursday, September 27, 2012

"Just Keep Swimming"

Trying to keep Dory in mind and "just keep swimming".

That's about where I am this week.

I can't seem to get a hold of my head. I'm in a million different places and am not quite sure where to begin: with anything. I feel like I'm just hanging out in some sort of limbo, just existing. I can't quite put my finger on what is exactly wrong. It's not all bad but it certainly isn't all good either.  I'm not (quite) in a depression...I've certainly had my fair share of that!  This isn't it. I just think I have too much on my mind. Too much to work out. Too much to do, physically and mentally.

I guess I should start by breaking everything down.

1. Still hanging out in limbo with the one item I really don't want to talk about. It's a waiting game. This is something I have zero control over and (honestly) I've been able to put it aside for now.

2. Still looking for a part time job. I *almost* feel like it's not what I'm supposed to be doing right now though. A few of the positions I've tried applying to have already been filled. I've applied for a few other positions but have yet to hear anything.

3. I feel like I'm in chaos. I have a hard time with clutter and everywhere I look there is clutter (that includes what's going on in my head). Keeping it basic though, it's clutter in the house. I'm trying to change out the summer for fall clothes. Putting away and taking out all the seasonal decor. Going through toys and such that the kids no longer play with. Even all the stuff that I don't "play with" any longer. So much clutter. Now, don't get me wrong, my house isn't like one on an episode of hoarders- but I sometimes feel like it is.

4. Weight issues: The personal training is going fairly well. I've had to see two other trainers with in the last week. One of them I will be working with on a fairly regular basis. He kind of scares me. But in a good way. I'm still frustrated about last weeks gain but have put it in the past. I peeked on the scale this morning and I'm very close to being back to where I was prior to last Friday. That's one positive. I want this cold to exit the building so I can go ahead full force!    My shoulder and feet are small bumps in the road, but are both things I can work around.

5. I'm tired. Really tired. Mostly mentally, but tired nonetheless. I need a vacation. My family needs a vacation. Unfortunately we had to cancel our upcoming (Thanksgiving) vacation to Disney.  I'm pretty bummed about it, but it's life. There will be other trips. I'm hoping we can plan a smaller (local) trip to a fun place around Thanksgiving.

Needless to say, I am trying to control what I can control. Trying to compartmentalize the things I can't. It's sometimes easier said than done but I'll get there. "This too shall pass"


    I know it's crazytalk, but try this, it helps a whole lot ;) These seem like the best directions I could find online, the other really good source I found was 'The complete idiot's guide to zen living' If I had an infinite amount of money, I'd buy a copy for every person I know...

  2. Hang in there Jenn! Hope things start to resolve for you soon!