Today (Friday - saving post for Saturday) I am having a rough time with food. It's the first time in a really long time I want to eat- just to eat. It's like the whole angel vs. the devil thing going on over here. I have the angel saying "Don't do it! you don't want it, you don't need it! You'll be fine once you get back in that gym!" Then there is the devil saying "to heck with it! You deserve a day off."
There's that (sometimes) dangerous word - deserve. It's a word so perfect for when things are going right or to get you moving off the couch. I deserve to be healthier. I deserve to have an hour to myself to get healthy. I deserve spending a little more for healthier food options. The list goes on and on...
Now the devilish version... You've worked so hard, you deserve to have some (insert poor food-choice option here). Which is all well and good if and only if it stops right there. Today? Not so much.
My neighborhood friends (moms from the bus stop -we call ourselves the BSB's - bus stop bitches {or beauties if you so prefer}) get together every Friday for coffee. It's our little way of unwinding and having a bit of adult time before the start of the weekend. We of course will call an "emergency BSB meeting" if needed. Anyway, I am usually really good during our coffee hour. I will either just have my coffee or will bring something healthy to go with my coffee. Today I decided I would partake in a little indulgence and have some coffee cake. I had 2 tiny slices (OK, maybe 3 because the little man didn't want his, but I gave him a sliver of a sliver)...so 1 "normal" slice I would say. Not too bad really.
The trouble is things didn't stop there. If they had, I would have been just fine. And because I lost it today, I feel like poo (to say the least). My blood sugar is all out of whack...I'm having major issues with hypoglycemia because of the poor choices today. My stomach is all in knots, I just want to go to bed and start over tomorrow.
The rest of the week is going to be about damage control. I think I "needed" today to remind me how good it really does feel to eat well. I don't want to feel this gross ever again. I know it will happen again, but to minimize damage in the future is going to be key.
I don't know if I can be anymore honest. But there it is. Moving on now...
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This morning I hit the gym. Hit-it-hard. I felt so weak from not being in there for a week, but I made it through a great workout. When I was done, I looked like I had been swimming! Gross, I know. I hear it's really good to sweat though. It means everything is working in order and I'm becoming more athletic. Me? Athletic? Not so sure about that; I suppose in some small way I am well on my way to being athletic.
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